Whether it’s a child or an adult, stubbornness can be very annoying at times. But while we still have a chance to discipline a child and teach him or her how to progress in conflict management, getting into a vineyard with a stubborn adult is a much bigger challenge. Especially if the result of stubbornness is mere selfishness. However, some experts have different views on this.
The big question, in general, is, when arguing with a stubborn person, what is the point of putting pressure on, and when is it more appropriate to run? Up Journey interviewed a couple of experts, from whose responses we compiled the following 5 rules. connecting ARGUE ABOUT RELIGION AND POLITICS IN A CULTURED WAY
You will not convince anyone with arguments that your worldview is false.
A guide for stubborn people
Before turning to advise, it is important to understand before it that beliefs and the desire for power are the basis of stubbornness.
When we look at this challenging behavior, we need to touch on two aspects of belief and power struggle in every way. Often, our visceral response is a clash of our own beliefs with our discussion partner. The only result of this is that the other side is even more immersed in its own truth, and the whole thing ends in a power struggle. This relationship certainly suffers. A parent-child relationship can create a serious trench: the parent agrees to impose punishment on the child at all costs while not surrendering, on the contrary.
So here are some helpful tips on how to win in these moments:
1) Let’s get rid of our prejudices and give credit to the other’s arguments
When we brand the other as stubborn, we also anticipate a fight with it. The expert’s advice is to try to frame the whole thing, let’s drop that judgment, and look at the other as more than a persistent person who just defends his position.
If the other’s reasoning isn’t entirely logical, we’ll instinctively try to rub it under our noses. In vain do we feel that we have just taken a punch, this is the end, the fire of the fight just flares up and the give-and-take begins. To get away with this, we’d rather take a deep breath and simply repeat back to the other’s truth: “If I understand correctly, you say homework is stupid and it doesn’t matter.” In doing so, we convey the message to the other that we are hearing him and trying to understand him.
2) Problem-solving should have to forge power
When formulating our position, keep in mind that we are two facing the problem, not the two facing each other. That is why you should never attack another in your own person. Let us rather have the goal of calmly convincing him, consider our position. It must be recognized that reason does not matter if the other party is already determined to be his own.
So our only option is to invite you to our own space and offer the opportunity to think together. Maybe he also agrees with us that the enemy is common.
3) We can’t change the other anyway
Stubbornness is a personality trait that cannot be changed externally. And if that option has dropped, we have one option left: change our own attitude!
What can we do to make the discussion with a stubborn person easier?
The most effective way to get along with knock people is through empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share a partner’s feelings. If we focus only on our own emotional world, there is no question of empathy.
IN A RELATIONSHIP, A LACK OF EMPATHY TYPICALLY LEADS TO ESCALATION OF CONFLICTS AS WELL AS ISOLATION, BITTERNESS, ANXIETY, AND A HIGH DEGREE OF STRESS. NONE OF THIS FAVORS IF OUR PARTNER IS JUST A KONOK PERSON.
Here are some ways to generate a sense of empathy:
Let’s take deep breaths, relax as much as we can, and listen to the other. The stronger we attack, the more likely it is that its resistance will increase. Don’t calm down until it becomes clear why the person is going through why he or she is so attached to the truth. Let’s try to imagine ourselves in the place of the other, then we can look at the situation from several perspectives.
Let’s be present and try to find answers to the following questions: Why is it so hard with the other one? Why doesn’t it ease in my direction?
4) It is not good to put out a fire with a fire
An expert on divorced couples reports as a basic experience that firefighting is not the answer. Proven for a couple of techniques, let’s see what they are:
Stubborn people usually make decisions very quickly. They know what they want and they communicate it right away. Therefore, if we take a break before making a decision, no one can agree to anything out of abruptness. This extra time is managed by everyone the way you want it, the point is that you can think freely without pressure, hostility, or time constraints.
It’s even worth agreeing on a common break rule and sticking to it.
Another trick the expert would love to recommend is timing. If there is a topic that is regularly quarreled over, it is sometimes a good idea to leave it to the last minute. Behind this is the logic that small victories on the fly can bring relief by the time the final theme comes up. Stubbornness is often more about reaping some kind of victory or at least keeping the situation under control. Give it a chance with the easier topics and only then turn to the more difficult terrain.
It may have been trite already, but every conflict situation has an opportunity for growth and development. Let’s look at ourselves and analyze our own personality traits and motives.
What are the qualities that make it difficult to live with our stubborn co-worker or spouse? After all, we need two to do this, so maybe a better understanding of ourselves could help us build better relationships with others.
THE ONLY THING WE CAN CONTROL IS OURSELVES.
There are several personality tests available for self-assessment. The best known of these are the Myers – Briggs and DISC tests, but the 16personality test is also available for free and online.